2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
