i'm signing you up for texting rehab
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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