hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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