So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.