Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.

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(506): Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites. http://tfl.nu/r5fj

Replies (19) Good night (3067) Bad night (723)
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(410): View more from Maryland

Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night

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(410): Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night http://tfl.nu/ayrv

Replies (34) Good night (1171) Bad night (6142)
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(303): View more from Colorado

you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.

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(303): you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson. http://tfl.nu/oqx8

Replies (10) Good night (3193) Bad night (651)
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(578): View more from

drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm

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(578): drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm http://tfl.nu/89pn

Replies (14) Good night (957) Bad night (6151)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?

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(605): I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF? http://tfl.nu/tx7k

Replies (14) Good night (5788) Bad night (1015)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.

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(617): you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on. http://tfl.nu/kzav

Replies (4) Good night (1156) Bad night (4797)
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(713): View more from Texas

I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.

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(713): I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells. http://tfl.nu/5vl5

Replies (10) Good night (1955) Bad night (820)
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(618): View more from Illinois

Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."

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(618): Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you." http://tfl.nu/wg5q

Replies (9) Good night (1576) Bad night (1735)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.

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(+44): Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing. http://tfl.nu/5vch

Replies (3) Good night (1826) Bad night (593)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.

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(608): We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth. http://tfl.nu/k58a

Replies (29) Good night (2146) Bad night (818)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.

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(270): No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife. http://tfl.nu/ovxt

Replies (4) Good night (1808) Bad night (842)
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(206): View more from Washington

Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities

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(206): Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities http://tfl.nu/0iqe

Replies (11) Good night (3217) Bad night (533)
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(404): View more from Georgia

First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.

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(404): First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service. http://tfl.nu/76kl

Replies (1) Good night (770) Bad night (412)
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(870): View more from Arkansas

I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that

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(870): I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that http://tfl.nu/cuww

Replies (3) Good night (1194) Bad night (365)
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(804): View more from Virginia

I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night

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(804): I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night http://tfl.nu/3prr

Replies (1) Good night (912) Bad night (280)

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