I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.