Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.