I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
