I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
