Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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