Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
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I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
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The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag