so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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