that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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