After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
