I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
where does the pee come out of this thing
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
pop tarts are not kleenex
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
