would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
