So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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