It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
