Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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