I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
