I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
