i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
