He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
How does one acquire holy water?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
