youre lurking in front of me
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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