how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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