I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
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