lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
