Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
