I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
