Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
