My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
