whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
