I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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