I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize