I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
