You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
