Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
