worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
