i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
