I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
