You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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