ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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