Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
