so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
