I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
