well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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