actually, I'm a sock model
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize