maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
