Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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