brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...