She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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