How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny