She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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