Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous