really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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