Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i think my mom watched the whole time
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
