How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
