my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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