I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
