NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
