I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
