Im at strip club and am horny
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
