I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
