Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
