I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
