did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
