the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
