Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
