I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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