yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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