Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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