There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
