apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
