Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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