i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
