We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
