Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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