Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
