i was rollin on her like bob the builder
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
