counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
