I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
