Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
