do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I touched a dick in church today
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