So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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